PLEASING THE RIGHT PERSON

BY STEVE DUNN

Early in my pastoral ministry, one of my elders gave me a tremendous gift.  It was the gift of honesty. It was early in my ministry at an urban-suburban church that I really was in love with.  The people there had struggled with pastoral leadership that had changed too frequently and I was following someone they had fired. They seemed to really like me and were enthusiastic about my preaching.  Each week after worship I would stand at the door greeting them warmly and receiving their compliments.

But one Sunday, Bob, the elder, lingered in the narthex until everyone had departed.  Then he approached me.  "Pastor, I feel I need to say something."  Bob was always very supportive and had blessed me with consistent affirmation and good counsel.  "Sure, Bob."

The smile left his face and he said to me, "Pastor, I have watched you and I perceive you are a people pleaser."

Talk about being hit with a ton of bricks.  I knew that was not a compliment.

Bob continued.  "Each Sunday I listen to you preach and then I watch as people greet you at the door.  You thrive on their compliments.  Your smile grows larger and larger and you enthusiasm multiplies.  You love what they are saying to you.  You love it when they say 'Great sermon,' 'Loved the message," "I really enjoy your preaching."

I nodded my assent.

"Did you ever think that  maybe that's not a good thing?  That maybe some people should shake your hand quietly but avoid looking you in the eye?  That some should even appear unhappy or angry when they leave?" 

I had not.

"Each Sunday you have people in those pews who are being disobedient to God, who are sinning and are comfortable with it, who are behaving badly, ignoring the truth. If you are really telling them what God needs for them to hear--you should be disturbing them, making them uncomfortable, reminding them of their sin--the sin they are denying."

I thanked him.  It was the best advise I had every received.  When I enter the pulpit I am speaking on behalf of God.  I am delivering his message.  I don't need to be needlessly offensive but I need to be concerned that my message pleases God--not the person listening to it.

Who are you trying to please when you preach?

© 2016 by Stephen L. Dunn.  You have permission to reprint this provided it is unchanged, proper authorship is cited, it is in a publication not for sale, and a link is provided to this site or to www.drstevedunn.com. For all other uses, contact Steve at sdunnpastor@gmail.com 

THE KEY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEARING AND LISTENING

Thanks to Church Leaders

FIVE THINGS PASTORS HATE TO HEAR ABOUT THEIR PREACHING

John Ortberg shares this list of five in the most recent issue of Leadership Journal:

1. “Your preaching has improved.” Sometimes when I hear this one it is strengthened by enthusiasm; your preaching has really improved. I think this comment is generally intended as a compliment, but it’s hard to say. Certainly it carries the message that your previous sermons left plenty of room for improvement.

2. “I’m so glad you said ‘X’.” But in fact you didn’t say “X”; you were trying to say the opposite of “X.” It makes you wonder what sermon they were listening to.

3. “I heard Andy Stanley/Tim Keller/Jon Piper/Rob Bell give a similar talk one time.” Only it turns out that their talk was actually much better than the one you gave, and the enthusiastic listener wants to give you a play-by-play account with commentary on why it was better.

4. “I’m just not being fed.” This is an all-purpose comment, offered more generally than in response to one particular message. But it does make me wonder, if preaching is a form of feeding, why is there no tipping afterwards?

5. “The Lord told me to tell you …” ”… that you look tired,” “… that you hurt my feelings,” “… that this church needs more messages about stewardship/missions/culture wars/the Colbert Report,” “… that you chose the wrong clothes.”

Read more here…

THE 4 LEVELS OF LISTENING: PASTOR, ARE YOU AT THE PRESCHOOL LEVEL?

Charles Stone publishes a superb blog called Charles Stone: Vintage Wisdom: Authentic Answers. This one of the blogs I read regularly.  Recently he wrote a post about listening, a key skill for those of us who would presume to preach. - Steve

BY CHARLES STONE

One of the greatest skills a pastor or leader can develop is to learn to listen well. Woodrow Wilson’s words below should cause every leader to evaluate his or her listening skills.

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

We pay others a high compliment when we listen.
We affirm other’s God-given value when we listen.
We develop our own heart when we listen.
The father of the field of listening, Ralph Nichols, captures the essence of listening in these words.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to be understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

Through my 15-week coaching I’ve learned that we listen at several levels. Often we get stuck on the first level, the most elementary one. As you read the four levels below, ask yourself at which level do you usually listen.

1. Level 1-Listening TO…Internal Listening. At this level when we listen to others we mostly listen to our inner dialogue, our thoughts, our feelings, and what we plan to say once the other person has finished speaking. We focus on ourselves, our conclusions, our thoughts about the person/subject of conversation, and what the subject means to me. Unfortunately most listening happens at this level where it’s all about me.
2. Level 2-Listening FOR…Focused Listening. At this level we begin to authentically listen as we focus on what the other person is saying. We lock onto their dialogue and suppress our temptation to correct, give our opinion, give advice, or offer another perspective as soon as they finish. We become truly present and give them the gift of being understood.
3. Level 3-Listening WITH… Intuitive Listening. At this level we pay attention to what is not being said through these cues:  inflection, pauses, changes in tone and energy, the eyes, and body language. We listen with our gut and allow intuition to speak to our soul.
4. Level 4-Listening to the Holy Spirit. This is the deepest level where we intersect what the person is saying/not saying with an openness to what the Spirit of God is saying to us. This level requires great discipline and focus, yet provides pastors and ministry leaders a way to become conduits of God’s grace to people.

So, at which level do you often listen? What tips have you discovered that help you listen at levels 2-4?
____

EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED

 One of the tougher realities of ministry is that it tends to be 24/7 and every pastor has more than a few EGR people ... extra grace required.  Remember "What About Bob?" I saw this movie as a pastor and wasn't sure if it was a comedy.

10 THINGS CHURCH HOPPERS SAY

My friend Dan Masshardt posted this from Will Mancini's blog THE CLARITY EVANGELIST.

Pastors, read it and keep your perspective.


From the archives of Will Mancini’s blog:

1. “But my old church…” This usually means they want your church to be like their old church.

2. “I just need time to be fed.” This means, “I don’t want to do anything. I’m here just to sit and see what I can get out of this church, so don’t expect me to serve in any way, shape, or form.

3. “I’m looking for a church that teaches the Word.” This means, “I’m looking for a church that dispenses lots of information without challenging me to do anything.”

4. “We came here because we are looking for deep teaching.” This usually means their last church focused too much on actually obeying the Word. They want a church that just talks about the Rapture, the Second Coming, who the Hittites were and the identity of Theophilus.

5. “I should know my pastor.” This means, “In my last church, I got to know the pastor, but when the church grew, and the pastor couldn’t have dinner with us every Tuesday night, I left and came here.”

6. “We want a church that’s focused on discipling people.” This means, “I want a church that’s focused on me, not people who are lost.”

7. “I wish you wouldn’t focus so much on what people need to do.” This means they don’t like commitment, they don’t like to be told the Bible actually tells them how to live and follow Jesus. They want to come to church, live in their sin and have no one tell them this is wrong.

8. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about money.” This is the best way to tell a pastor “I don’t give.”

9. “My old church/pastor was…” The way people come to your church is how they will leave. If your first conversation with them is all about their last church and pastor, that is how they will leave your church and how they will go to their next church.

10. “Pastor, I’ve been talking to a lot of people and they all say…” Translation: “Me, my spouse and my mother think…” If they start this way, 99.9% of the time they have no one else who thinks this way, it is just the best way to complain. If someone has a complaint and uses this line with me, they need to list all of the names or my best assumption is they talked to the same person 10 times.